My journey to who I am now......

Wow, when I look back and see where God has brought Michael and I, I am amazed! We met in highschool and much to peoples disappointments, we fell in love and have been together every since. We were married in January of 97 and Jared came along in January of 98. He was such a blessing to everyone and could brighten our days in an instance. His dimples would make me melt... Jared is Michael's right hand man and always has been but, he longed for a girl. He loved his son dearly but, always said he wanted a baby girl to "complete" us. That is truly where our spiritual journey really began because, up until then I really never felt a need to fast or pray as fervently as I should. My Aunt Karen had passed away in the Spring of '01 from cancer and she was like a mom to me. She would tell me all the time how important my relationship with God would be in my marriage. She would always tell me that I should live my life knowing that I will leave a legacy to my children. A legacy of love for our lord and a legacy of love to my children. She knew I wanted another baby and we all would pray for the Lord to answer our prayers. So many times I would weap because I had tried for so long and nothing happened. Fertility drugs were so expensive and our insurance did not cover them... In the fall of '03 my grandmother became very ill. Everyone knows the battle and struggles she fought. But, through it all she would pray with me, in agreement. Just like we all use to do with my Aunt Karen before she passed. After four years of fasting a prayer I found out I was pregnant..... I believe God gave Madelyn to me so that I could experience that joy of finding out I conceived with my grandmother. I remember like it was yesterday..... I found out I was pregnant at night and ran across the street to tell my grandmother, who by then was confined to bed. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "God has granted our petition, it is a girl Shanna Ann!". My grandmother went to be with her lord that May and Madelyn Mary-Elizabeth graced us with her presence on November 1, 2004. I look at her and see my grandmothers love. I see her legacy. It is weird to say that my grandmothers death changed me, in a good way. It changed the way I see my life. Everything I do is for my kids. It's all about leaving them a legacy to pass on to their kids and grand kids just as my precious aunt and grandmother did for me. Through all my heartache my Lord was there helping me get through it. The Lord is our stronghold in times of trouble..... My aunt said that over and over. The holy spirit told me to write about this..... kinda funny for one of my first posts. :) Maybe someone will read this who is having trouble conceiving. Realize that we were on God's timeline, not our own. My Aunt Karen wrote this...... "Sometimes we are not hungry but just want to eat. We must be hungry for God and what he has for us. CLAIM THE PROMISE OF GOD!!" God promises his faithfulness and answers to prayers and fasting. Through some of the absolute most difficult times in my life I found this! The hunger my aunt spoke of..... Hunger and good things happen!!! ;)